in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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