the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
So much rum. So many feels.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
