i jhust puked up my retainher.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
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