Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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