i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
