her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
