Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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