just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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