areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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