miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
