Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Mom said you looked used
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Randomize
