Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
