I heard we made out
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
