Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
