Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
