so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
