i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
