you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
