he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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