i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
