Where is the hickey?
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
