Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
