4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
