I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
