I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
