you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
