I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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