It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
We just shotgunned beers for America
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
