she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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