kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
