Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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