Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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