Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
love makes seman taste better
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
