This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
