I wish I could punch you in the face.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Randomize
