Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
