I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
