If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Randomize
