I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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