Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
