if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
