There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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