took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
