There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
