the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
