I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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