The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
