I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
