Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
