I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
