Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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