she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Randomize
