i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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