I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
