Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
