it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
