I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
